The Problem with Parents

As your child enters their teenage years they will want to start to become more self-directed. They will want to be making more of their own decisions and taking input from other people apart from their parents. This is a necessary part of their development and a good progression for them.

As part of this process, this often means keeping their parents at a bit more of a distance and not welcoming their advice as much as before. If their parents do not understand this process, then this can feel quite hurtful for their parents.

If their parents understand the process, then they can understand that as their child develops into a teenager, some anger may be expressed as a result of them trying to surmount the challenge of changing their boundaries.

Here it is best if the parent can express some tolerance and support them through this process. This is also often a time when their hormones are changing and this makes this process additionally emotionally challenging for them.

Not only for teenagers but also for your adult children, it is good to remember that whilst you have so much more life experience than them, what you think is best, is what is best for you.

One of the top stock traders was once asked about his methods for making so much money. His reply was that he could explain exactly what he does, but unless you had the same personality as him, you would not be able to replicate his results. His methods were specifically designed for his personality.

Similarly, what you think works best, may only work best for you. What works for your teenage or adult child maybe completely different. They have different personalities to you and live in a different time period.

It is difficult to advise your teenage or adult child often many times to do what you think is best for them. Then see them do the complete opposite and it end in disaster. Please try and refrain from the “I told you so”, as that is very counter-productive.

This is part of their learning and growth process. It is good to let them know that as their parent you feel it is your duty to share your life experiences and wisdom with them, but that you respect that it is their decision to decide if this works for them in their lives.

Have the strength to be able to watch them make their own mistakes and be supportive whenever they need it. Experience is one of the best teachers. We never really know what are the good or bad experiences until perhaps the end of our lives and perhaps not even then.

With mutual respect and understanding it is hoped that you will continue to have a deep and loving relationship with your child for the whole of your life.